Plane crash

Maybe he will come out of this...

Somehow, I'm not too bothered, either way.

This bullheaded bastard. 

One by one

He blocks me off with bricks of resentment.

But I built the foundation.

I mixed the mortar. 

My slow plane crash of a marriage.

I realize there is no way out.

So I put my seat in the upright position,

And brace for landing.

I could ask for the who, what, when, where, and why.

But none of it makes sense.

The fourth dimension of pain only shows our wrongdoings,

An amorphous blob of fuckups.

He says he feels pain.

He says he's not satisfied.

He said he was satisfied with me being present,

And stopped loving me when I wasn't.

How many missteps did I take from the altar?

How many times did he lie in his sincerity?

How many times did I disbelieve his capabilities?

Always is the ever-present voice. 

"Take one for the team."

"You're being foolish."

"You did something wrong."

When did my head figure out I was the one to blame,

And who gave it permission to anyway?

We are the content of our character,

The conditions of our actions, 

And vessels of constant metamorphoses.

What happened to the spiritual disposition of our hearts, has left the shells of ourselves wandering into brambles of shit, and it's time to eject. 

Hopefully my parachute deploys.

Maybe he won't...

Somehow, I'm not too bothered, either way...

Setting Sun

Over ten-thousand waves

And icy snowy mountains

Across the Bering straight

My distant memories call me.

The forest alights my dreams,

The pacific spreads its finger inland.

The life there is vibrant.

The mountains trace the lines in my memory.

A gut feeling in me.

My home has been here all along.

This place is paranoid and anxious,

Exactly like me.

With my darkest dreams reverberating

In shoddy alleyways.

It shivers with the same existential fear as I,

Someday earthquakes will rattle the bones of the buildings.

Bring out the apocalypse of tormenting emotions,

Displaced intentions.

I love her for all of her fears,

I see her in me,

The mountains and valleys below.

The waters confused on which way to go.

The final resting place of what once was, a brave new world.

-Sigma

Midnight in Tokyo.

Walk in the street

In my memories,

And breaking down

The masked self.

Yelling profanity,

Screaming destiny.

Warped sensuality.

How was I to know

The part you won't show.

The wonderful self

You may hide

The unbridled passion

You keep inside.

My true blue

Sensual lover,

Our connection

Is strong yet fragile,

I would never mention it.

Not in public

I'd keep it hidden

Perhaps from even you

Because that's what

Secret lovers do.

I cannot compromise

My glowing pride

Even in the hope

That you share it too.

Wrap your arms around me,

Pretend that you don't care.

Show everything in nothing,

So your heart does not snare.

I understand everything,

Yet I ache for you, I do.

I'll keep everything to myself

Since I am stronger than you.

One request

This day,
like all other days,
is founded by memories.
memories of what I see
memories of what I feel
and memories of what I hear,
combining to what is real,

and like so many other days,
written on judgement books,
I find myself asking,
what did I do?
what have I done?
where did I go?

my mind has built
a thousand and one frustrations,
mostly for myself;
crimes committed
against my perpetual state of mind,
mostly dreams collecting dust,
anger misguided and misplaced;
maybe.

or is it all lies I tell myself
to create a life
to assure others I think.
maybe there are no thoughts.
Only my mind creates them
to assure myself I do maintain conventions.

The only real wish I had for my life,
was wisdom,
divinely granted
as I am sure the Only can do.
I am divided among my many selves
as to explain this indelible request,
so that I can be most assured
the Only has blessed me with it.

the communication in my mind goes mute,
for I cannot answer the whether or.
wisdom is not something that can
be explained so easily,
and there lies the irony.

perhaps it is simply,
peace of mind,
quieting the voices
which echo through the hollows,
and unifying them to a single purpose,
so I can find a sense of calm among the storm.

-Sigma